If you recognize the above lyrics then you’re obviously a die-hard Bon Jovi fan…and the Defensive Specialist hates you! Ok, so hate is a little harsh but after setting out from Deep in the Hole Headquarters for the 30 km drive to regional NSW where the NSW Patriots were facing off against the South Australian whatever they’re called, the Defensive Specialist started to get a little ornery when the trip stretched out to 1 hour and 45 minutes. So when the Defensive Specialist finally wandered into the Blacktown Olympic Facility, the last thing he needed to hear pumping out of the speakers was Bon Jovi’s greatest hits. Well actually, if it was truly Bon Jovi’s greatest hits, it would have been done in 8 minutes after ‘Livin on a Prayer’ and ‘Bad Medicine’ finished. Anyway, the Defensive Specialist is hereby offering his services FREE OF CHARGE to any franchise out there who needs some help settling on an appropriate playlist.
The Defensive Specialist isn’t going to lie, the Blacktown Olympic facility could do with a little TLC. The grass was dry and dying. Where’s Jims Lawnmowing Man when you need him? Perhaps the GWS (Greater Western Sydney) expansion AFL team is siphoning off all the water to green up their new facility?
The Patriots took infield outfield first with Graham Cassel wielding the fungo. His work was clean and crisp and the exercise ran fairly smoothly. In regards to the all important catcher pop-up to conclude proceedings, Graham couldn’t keep the ball in the yard, sending it over the backstop although his height was impressive for an old codger – he’d clearly taken his vitamins if you know what the Defensive Specialist means.
Bon Jovi had given way to AC/DC as South Australia took the field for innie outtie. Led by coach Mark Haycock, they too put on a decent performance. As the soundtrack switched to Pink, the spotlight was put on Haycock for his catcher pop-up. Clearly not taking the same supplements as Cassel, he didn’t get the lift (indicating a case of fungo dysfunction – perhaps he needed some nasal delivery technology) but kept it on the yard, just down the third base line, which the catcher swallowed up.
SA wins the infield outfield duel on day one.
As game time approached, a crowd of approximately 502 people settled in for an intriguing contest between the perennial powerhouse – NSW and rank upstart SA. The announcer handled introductions ok, the biggest issue being that he brought out the starters in positional order rather than batting lineup which played havoc to us intellectual types who like to look for lefty righty matchups and would now have to wait until the game started to get an indication of who was hitting where. One interesting wrinkle in the whole deal was the pitcher (Tim Cox) being introduced and actually running out onto the field. The Defensive Specialist looked up to the heavens to see if he could get any indications from the baseball Gods as to how they would react to this break from baseball tradition and protocol. Although they didn’t speak directly to the Defensive Specialist, he could sense an unsettled air about the place.
Cox breezed through the first inning and the Defensive Specialist figured that perhaps the Gods had altered the constitution to make allowances for Generation Y & Z and whatever is coming next.
The Defensive Specialist settled back into his seat as NSW prepared to hit, taking in the sights as Michael Lysaught strolled to the plate ready to lead off. The soundman quickly flipped a switch and the Defensive Specialist realized that each hitter had a walk up song! Another chance for the guru to test his mental mettle.
Lysaught – some nu wave tres wank faux metal, most likely Linkin Park. He hit a ball off South Australian starter Paul Mildren’s hip who flipped to first for an out.
Trent D’Antonio – Pearl Jam: Even Flow. Pop-up to shortstop.
Mark Holland – Dizzee Rascal: Dance Wiv Me. Pop up to first base.
Cox breezed through the second with only a walk to Michael Collins.
Mildren came back out for the bottom of the second.
Mitch Denning – Some soft hip hop schlock that the Defensive Specialist is too old to recognize. Singled to left with potentially the most attractive swing of any hitter in the yard.
Andy Graham – Bloc Party: Banquet (The DS isn’t sure on this one). Punch out.
Dan Maat- maybe some early Metallica, before they got soft and then tried to get hard again – single to left field.
Tim Auty – probably the most interesting choice. At least 3000 beats per minute which led to the NSW in-game announcer scrambling to hand out the complimentary ecstasy. Strike out.
David Kandilas – 50 Cent. Popped up to third.
The third inning started off with some on-field entertainment. People spinning around with their head on a bat, and then after a number of rotations trying to run while dizzy. This is all well and good when kids are doing it, but unfortunately a couple of adults had been found who had sold their pride to the devil. What was interesting was seeing the bloke going arse over tea-kettle the minute he started. I’m sure that dent to your ego was worth it.
Anyway, South Australia tossed up a wrinkle in the 3rd as the Baseball Gods finished their hastily called meeting to decide on Cox’s earlier transgression. Matthew Smith hit an infield pop-up. First baseman Maat camped under it but the sun got in his eyes, the wind picked up and his dog ate his homework leading him to drop it. Good hustle by Smith got him to second on the play. Josh Cakebread sacrifice bunted him to third. David Washington hit a ground rule double down the left-field line to score him. Washington then stole third and Jeremy Cresswell singled to right to score him. South Australia scored 2.
Shannon Pender led off to a song with the lyrics “I think I’m going bald” – ironic as he has the biggest perm afro on the yard. Perhaps he has the afro comb over going? Anyway, he drove a ball directly off his knuckles over the second baseman’s head for a cheap single. Michael Lysaught did exactly the same thing. D’Antonio promptly hit into a rally killing 6-4-3 double play and Holland flew out to end the threat.
South Australia 2-0.
The South Australians were to take full advantage of the Baseball Gods crisis of confidence in Tim Cox in the 4th. Dan Wilson (who won the price for ugliest uniform on the night – skinniest guy wearing uber tight pants pulled up to his knees with chicken legs) hit a ground ball to Maat at first who once again completely monkeyed it. From here on in the Defensive Specialist will refer to Maat as Stone Hands. Cox then dosed Smith to put runners on second and first. In an obvious bunt situation, NSW deployed the wheel play (where the third baseman charges, the shortstop breaks for third) pickoff (instead of heading to cover first, the second baseman breaks for second hoping to back pick the runner). The blood flow to Wilson’s head may have been restricted due to the tightness of his pants and he was caught daydreaming. Unfortunately, Cox launched the ball into centre-field allowing both runners to advance. If Cox had of pulled off that throw it would have marked the first time the Defensive Specialist had seen the wheel play pick actually work. Josh Cakebread then hit a groundball down to third base that promptly bounced over Holland’s head for a single (The Defensive Specialist told you the Baseball Gods wouldn’t be impressed), scoring Wilson. Cox punched out Washington ugly and got Cresswell to K as well before Stefan Welsh singled on a line to centre scoring Smith and moving Cakebread to second. DH Ryan Murphy then singled to left and we were all set for a play at the dish but catcher Graham couldn’t pick the hop and Cakebread scored. The errant throw allowed Welch and Murphy to move up to second and third. Michael Collins doubled to left scoring both runners. Cox managed to end the inning by punching out Wigmore. South Australia score 5.
To commence the 4th, the PA dude decided it was a good idea to announce that lead-off hitter Mitch Denning was currently hitting .400. What was the probability that Denning would now make an out? Yep, strike 3. Stone Hands Maat doubled to right. Auty came up again to his 3000 beats per minute soundtrack as lollypops were passed out. He grounded out to end the inning.
Todd Gratton replaced Cox on the Hill for the Patriots at the top of the 5th and he and Mildren settled in to a pitching duel over the next 2 innings, conceding no runs and very few hits.
Mildren was still cruising as he went out to commence the 7th inning. Auty led off to the dulcet tones of pulsating beats and the crowd blowing on their game issued whistles and whirling the glow sticks that were taped under their seats. He k’d. Pender then hit a line drive to left that was completely butchered into a triple by the left fielder. Lysaught then hit a slow roller to third. Welsh scooped and threw to first baseman Angus Roeger (pinch hit for Cakebread) who seemed to drop the throw. Pender scored. D’Antonio then doubled to left to score Lysaught. NSW scored 2.
SA 7-2
The Patriots threatened again in the 8th. Replacement left fielder, Jason Pospishil (try saying that after a few beers) led off and hit a ball between second and first. It was clearly the second baseman’s ball although Roeger wandered after it like an Angus cow looking for fresh grass. This left Mildren to have to hustle over and cover first base but Posphisil beat it out. Graham singled to centre as Mildren looked a little rattled. Stone Hands flew out to right allowing Posphisil to tag and move to third. This brought Auty to the dish as the crowd reapplied Vicks Vapor Rub to their top lips and started hugging each other. Auty popped out to short. Mildren was relieved by DH Ryan Murphy, who induced a fly out from Kandilas to end the inning.
Neither side scored in the 9th inning, and South Australia stitched up a relatively comfortable series opening win on the road. The Defensive Specialist climbed into the Deep-in-the-Hole-mobile and was back at Deep in the Hole HQ in 30 minutes.
The Deep in the Hole Player of the Game undoubtedly goes to Paul Mildren who was dominant in his 7.2 innings of work. Mildren gave up 11 hits, walked none while punching out 5 and yielding 2 earned runs. Outstanding.
Tim Cox dared anger the Baseball Gods and paid the ultimate price. Working 4 innings he gave up 7 runs, only 1 earned!
The Defensive Specialist will be back live and exclusive for the double dip with game reports and important sound track insights to come on Sunday and Monday, followed later in the week by “What did the Defensive Specialist Learn” from this series.
"Cuz I'm always gonna be unbreakable, Unstoppable, I'm invincible"
I wonder if 'D Wash' will be sent home from third again when Kandilas has the ball in his hand. Of all people Tony Harris should know this kid has the best outfield arm in the country. Sure 'D Wash' is fast, but he should be renamed 'D Hosed' because he was out by a long way.
ReplyDeleteI would think you as the 'defensive Specialist' would have at least acknowledged that great OF assist. ??