Golden Showers

As many of you would surmise, the Defensive Specialist has won his fair share of championships. In fact, throughout the Defensive Specialists career, teammates who found the 23 characters in his name a little long winded chose the easier on the tongue and fairly accurate nick name of “The Missing Link” in reference to the sublime skills and uncanny ability to lift teams to glory.

As the World Series draws to an end, the Defensive Specialist always gets a little nostalgic and uses the occasion as an excuse to stroll through the Deep in the Hole trophy room and relive the memories that the numerous championship trophies evoke.  Let’s face it, there is nothing like winning the big one!

So with either the Yanks or Phillies on the cusp of celebrating the ultimate prize, the Defensive Specialist thought it was an opportune time to explore celebrating baseball victories.

Now for some of you out there who have never tasted end of season glory, this post could be a little bit of a stinger. While the Defensive Specialist can’t relate to you, he can fully support the frenzied attack you put on the ball or your opponent in mixed social sport now that your baseball career has ended in your quest to get the elusive big W. A win’s a win huh?

For those of you out there who have lifted the cup and worn the medallion as a champion, hopefully the Defensive Specialist’s thoughts on celebrating a win will bring back a flood of memories. If you do get a legitimate rush of blood, please make sure you take care of it in the privacy of your own bathroom rather than running to grab a bat and ball and trying to keep the dream alive. The Defensive Specialist does not want to be responsible for a rash of hamstring tears and shoulder dislocations as numerous cagey veterans try to strap it on one last time.

First and foremost, no sport can top the baseball championship celebration. The Defensive Specialist is not afraid to toss out the big statements as you know and that’s one of them. Name another sport that offers a legitimate dog pile? It does not get any better than 20 – 25 men sprinting to the centre of the diamond at pace and group bear hugging as the pile collapses with more people jumping on. 

Think about football. Same number of blokes but dispersed all over a monstrous oval. Siren sounds, a few hugs are exchanged and then everyone gets distracted trying to organize group sex. Cricket? Please, a couple of slaps on the back, you grab a stump and then shake the umpires hand. Soccer offers nothing because no one wants to mess up their hair (well maybe a tap on the bottom). Tennis players are currently using the stock standard fall to your knees and cry move and basketball players cant get off the court fast enough in order to make it to their favourite night club for free drinks

Baseball offers an explosion at the last out. In fact, some of the Defensive Specialist’s fondest memories were of counting down the outs to the final one. The tension and excitement mounting as the outs move from 9 to 6 to 3 and finally the last one is palpable. Of course since baseball has the best celebrations, it figures that it has more than one way to win it all. Recording a punch out to win a championship is amazing, but just to raise the stakes, how about the walk off win? Jesus, the Defensive Specialist almost had to change his underwear thinking about a walk off knock to win a title.

Moving attention to the Major Leagues, the Defensive Specialist is always struck by a couple of thoughts when watching big leaguers hit the club house to celebrate: 

• Spraying champagne and beer around has to be fun (hence the golden shower reference at the top), but wouldn’t you rather be pouring it down you’re throat? Now don’t get the Defensive Specialist wrong- his body is a temple, but on championship days, allowances are always made. Half the fun in winning the big dance is getting somewhat inebriated and telling yourself and your teammates just how good you are. Very few things taste better than winners piss.

• How much money is spent at the big league level on champagne that is simply sprayed around? And on top of that, do they upgrade the quality of the champagne as they progress deeper into the post season, finally cracking $185 bottles of Dom when they win the big one? Can someone out there do some number crunching on this?

• Surely the players would love to hit the locker room, booze it up and then sit around in their uni for the next 4 hours soaking up the glory. For as awesome as being in the big leagues would be, amateur or minor league baseball does have its advantages in that you can celebrate with your boys in relative privacy without some announcer or reporter asking you how this feels. Then again, earning 4 million a year probably takes the stink out of it. 

• How badly does it sting when you have champagne and beer splashed in your eyes and is it so bad that you would risk angering the baseball gods by having ski goggles in your locker in preparation of winning?

So while The Defensive Specialist waits for the Phillies or Yanks to determine the World Series and for the Heat and Aces to kick off the Claxton Shield, why don’t you - the loyal Deep in the Hole reader, hit either the email address (thedefensivespecialist@gmail.com) or the comments section below and detail your fondest memories of winning a championship. It can be the game, the dog pile or the activities that ensued. The Defensive Specialist would like nothing more than to share them with everyone.

The Defensive Specialist will next check in from Geelong detailing the Heat – Aces clash.