Who dropped the soap? (Game One)

Greetings from the Geelong Baseball Facility- wow, that really rolls of the tongue doesn’t it? Come on, surely someone can come up with a better name for such a nice little ballpark? Lets be honest, there aren't many things better than strolling into a nice yard on a crisp spring evening to watch a game of baseball. Taking things to another level is the awesome selection of classic baseball music being pumped through the sound system headlined by Pink’s ‘Funhouse’ album. Ahh the tradition.

The Defensive Specialist was especially keen to see the Perth Heat dial in as they gun for their 3rd championship in a row, and eagerly scoured the rosters to see which pro guys had made themselves available early on in the season. At first glance the Heat looked to be a little short, especially on the pitching side of the game with the likes of Liam Hendriks and Brendan Wise missing from the team. Offensively there is still a little grunt, although Luke Hughes not being available is offense that cannot be replaced.

The Victorian Aces were missing some big names like Adam Blackley and James Beresford who are obviously vital cogs in their machine. They had some faces and names that the Defensive Specialist has to admit he wasn’t overly familiar with.

Infield Outfield commenced about 50 minutes before the game started which was interesting in itself because it did leave a hell of a lot of down time. Both teams looked a little rusty, so much so that the shortstop for the Heat – Andy Kyle was cutting off balls from the outfielders on throws to second. The Defensive Specialist needs to quickly go off on a tangent and state that that act alone is enough to send him apoplectic. Seriously, are you telling the Defensive Specialist that outfielders at this level cannot hit the second baseman? And what the hell is the point of cutting off the ball and then shot putting it 15 feet to the second baseman. Come on outfielders, take a stand and throw the damn ball through his head and do not allow your ball to be cut off on that particular play!

OK, lets get back to our regular transmission now that the Defensive Specialist's carotid artery has stopped pulsating with rage.

As a huge fan of the innie outtie catchers pop up, the Defensive Specialist needs to rate both coach's attempts at hitting a dime piece. Perth Heat coach Don Kyle got decent wood on the first attempt and saw his ball drift up the third base line. It was caught on the infield, outside of the catchers cut out. What was disappointing was Kyle's height which was always one of his strengths. Obviously age is catching up with Donald and he simply doesn’t have the grunt to get it up like he used to (perhaps he was wearing the ‘Skins” under garments to stave off Deep Vein Thrombosis and aid circulation). The Defensive Specialist would rate the pop up a 6.5 out of 10.

Unfortunately Kyle had no competition as the Victoria coach, Damian Shanahan decided to holster his sword and didn’t even attempt one. Shanahan seemed to have some fungo control issues during innie outtie and perhaps decided that it was too early in the season and he was under-prepared. It always upsets the Defensive Specialist to see a man struck down with fungo control issues so young. With medication and practice, lets hope that he can get back to normal functioning.

Many people have been talking about the New York Yankees Johnny Damon stealing two bases on one pitch recently as something that they have never ever seen before. Well continuing on that vein – that is, seeing things in the game of baseball for the first time, the Defensive Specialist has to admit that he witnessed the most embarrassing and cringe-worthy pre game introductions in the history of baseball. Let the Defensive Specialist break this down; First of all the Perth Heat were announced. Can’t be that hard right? Wrong. All the bench players were announced first, then the team physiotherapist. Then the starters were brought out which meant that they ended up at the end of the team line.

Call the Defensive Specialist pedantic but that’s just not the way you do it. Anyway, all that was soon forgotten as the Victorian Aces were asked to come out on the field where each player was handed the microphone and asked to introduce himself. Not only did the Defensive Specialist vomit in his mouth at this, you could see the players visibly embarrassed by it. For some unknown reason, the Aces decided to employ a local Cabaret singer from the Geelong RSL club to MC all activities on the night which led to a cavalcade of nauseas moments. Does a baseball game need all of that?

Anyway, there was a game played.

The Aces sent out the little known (in baseball circles) Casey Jones (huge in the rail community however - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casey_Jones) who impressed the Defensive Specialist in his warm ups with the dramatic run to the glove side that he had on his fastball. Unfortunately, Jone’s fastball was a lukewarm low 80’s which could be turned around in a hurry if the Heat were on point. Fortunately for Jones he was locating his fastball and the home plate umpire had decided to expand the outside part of the dish by about 4 inches. The only speed bump in Jones’ first inning was Nick Kimpton's one out double which was wasted as the 3 and 4 hole hitters punched out.

Staff ace, Mark Kelly was given the ball for the Heat. If Kelly started his pre game warm up any earlier it would start yesterday – the dude must be hotter than hellfire by the time he toes the rubber after loosening up for what seemed like 3 hours. Anyway, all the warming up counted for naught as the Aces effectively prison raped Kelly from the outset. Lead off hitter Scott Wearne smashed a double to the left centre gap and Paul Weichard immediately followed with another drive to right field for two bases. Inexplicably, Wearne got a terrible read on the ball and only advanced to third. Kelly managed to get a ground out and a punch out to have runners at second and third with 2 out. Josh Davies then singled through the 5.5 hole to score a run and Hayden Dingle dropped an opposite field 3 run jack to make the score 4-0.

The Aces continued their vicious assault on Kelly in the second as Tristan McDonald lead off with yet another double and was followed immediately by Matthew Lawman who singled. Wearne then singled off the glove of an outstretched Nick Kimpton in single to plate a run. Weichard unleashed his second double that drove in another 2. A ground ball out to second moved Weichard to third where he was driven in by a Brad Harman piss rocket to right field over a drawn infield. The Aces were now up 8-0 and Kelly’s sphincter had ruptured.

The Heat didn’t help themselves in the third inning. Aaron Ottoway singled to lead off and advanced on a wild pitch. Andy Kyle (AK47) hit a fly ball to deepish centrefield and Ottoway took off to third. Weichard tossed the ball in and the shortstop nonchalantly
caught it, then FIRED to third where Ottoway had already put down anchor and was ambling into. The ball beat the runner and he was out at third for the second out. Bad base running. Mitch Graham then doubled to right field.

The Aces stuck it to Kelly again in the third when Ottoway and his noodle arm could not claim an out on a slow roller. Following a ground out and a walk, Weichard came to the plate seeking his third knock. He promptly laced a ball past Ottoway at third who displayed the range of a statue to plate another run. Josh Davies then grounded a ball to Mitch Graham at second who literally got eaten up by the ball and appeared to try to stop it with his foot to load the bases. Don Kyle finally put Kelly out of his misery by summoning Richard Michell from the pen for his Claxton Shield debut. Michell managed to wriggle out of the inning with no further damage.

The Heat struck back in the fourth as De San Miguel walked, Chris House hit a ball through the wickets of the shortstop for an error and Tim Kennelly took a legitimate porn hack and destroyed a 3 run homerun to left.


At this point the temperature may have dropped 30 degrees and the Defensive Specialist's thumbs started to go numb. This also coincided with Michell and Jones shoving the bats firmly up the date holes of both line ups.


Nothing of any interest happened until the bottom of the 7th when Hayden Dingle was dosed. He moved up on a Russell Spear base on balls. This is where things got messy. Now Dingle is somewhat heavy set, especially in the lower half and is not blessed with great speed. With one out, Lawman lofted a fly ball to medium centrefield. Kimpton took the catch to make it two out and Dingle got a rush of blood and decided to tag and try for third. The Defensive Specialist was sure that he was going to fake. Instead he set off like Wills and Burke into the wilderness and was absolutely gunned down by shortstop AK47 making the 3rd out at thirdbase.


In the bottom of the 8th the Heat caused some scoreboard penetration as Tim Kennelly reached on a throwing error by the shortstop. Jason Smit (rumour has it that his ancestors were so poor they sold off the H) walked. Matt Kennelly hit a fly ball to right that allowed his brother to move up and he scored on a single to centre by Ottoway. A poor throw was enough for Smit to move up to third. AK47 hit a sac fly to centre taking the score to 9-5.

By now, the Aces had gone to Ross Hipke who proceed to give up a one out single to House. Smit doubled to left driving in house and then scored himself on a laser beam double by Matt Kennelly to rightfield. Ottoway reached on a throwing error that also allowed him to advance to second and for Kennelly to score. With the score now 9-8, Andy Kyle flew out to left field to end the game.

It was a sloppy game for both teams and the Heat would be disappointed that they couldnt get more going against Jones who did a good job of staying away and taking advantage of a wider than normal strike zone. Kudos to the Aces hitters who manhandled Mark Kelly and attacked him from the outset. It was obvious to the Defensive Specialist that both teams are short on the mound and it will be interesting to see how both squads rebound on Saturday with a double dip on the cards.


The Defenisve Specialist Player of the Game award for the first Claxton Shield game of 2009 goes to Paul Weichard who hit the ball hard all night, resultng in two doubles and a single. Special mention to Casey Jones for subduing a potent Heat lineup and picking up the W.


The Defensive Specialist will be back on board tomorrow and scheming of ways to maim the Cabaret singer / in game MC.