You people are lucky.
Lucky that the Deep in the Hole mobile headquarters was able to make such a lengthy journey to regional NSW in order to capture all the action from the NSW Patriots - Perth Heat clash. Its not often the Defensive Specialist has to set out on such a journey so it was a great relief when the old bus roared to life and was able to maintain 80kph without the engine overheating and blowing up.
Lucky that the Deep in the Hole IT gurus were able to find a wireless Internet connection so that the Defensive Specialist could get a signal out.
Lucky that the Defensive Specialist is a multicultural man and was thus able to pack accordingly and fit into the crowd – cowboy boots and chequered shirt, we’re regional after all.
Anyway, Friday night was a beautiful night to spend on the NSW / Victoria border. The Defensive Specialist set up his camp fire, put on a billy to boil, made some damper and settled in for what was surely going to be an intriguing contest. Both teams scrambling for a playoff birth; NSW needing to take the series and Perth knowing that a series win would make things a little easier next week against Victoria.
Once the fire was roaring the Defensive Specialist took some time to survey the converted sheep station that was now serving as a baseball field. Gilchrist Oval had been tidied up for the event, no doubt about it and looked like a tidy little ballpark. You had the iconic Bunnings Superstore in centre field, serving not only as a batters eye but also a reminder that there were shelves to be put up at home and edges to be trimmed on the front lawn. The organisers were obviously looking at attracting a youthful crowd as there were more bouncy castles on site that at the Royal Show, all that was missing was a rollercoaster and a wood chopping contest.
The field did suffer from a severe shortage of seating which worried the Defensive Specialist as sitting on the cold hard ground was going to wreak havoc on his haemorrhoids. As a result of this seating shortage, the spectator area was awash with more throw down rugs and blankets than a Fleetwood Mac outdoor concert.
The Patriots began to stir in preparation for infield outfield. Before the Defensive Specialist gives you the low down on that, it’s important to insert a fashion tip here; the Patriots wear aquamarine game tops as a tribute to the colonial settlers whose overcoats were of the same shade. They then combine this with a navy blue trim; meaning that their socks, belts, sleeves and hats are all in navy. It appears that their current fashion consultant is colour blind because their warm up shirts are royal blue. So the colour pallet now includes aqua, royal and navy blue. Perhaps their fashion consultant isn’t colour blind, perhaps its Ken Done!
Anyway, they can build on that for next season.
NSW took the field for innie outtie and word out of their dug out was that coach Graham Cassell really wanted to put on a show after his last performance in front of the Defensive Specialist where he suffered acute fungo control issues and the Defensive Specialist recommended he swallowed his pride and seek medical attention.
The Patriots put on a decent show and then the time came for Cassell to hit his catcher pop up. Cassell got exceptional lift and separation and his bat speed had improved. And then…WHAM he hit an absolute dime piece that landed approximately 12 inches in front of home plate and 8 inches to the right with brilliant height. Cassell had clearly brought his A game and in the stands his life partner beamed in satisfaction.
All the focus was now on the Heat and manager Don Kyle who had made the prediction that he would put his back out trying to get one up. The Heat’s infield was a little tardier than the Patriots, although it did feature the NSW mascot running around on the field while it was taking place. A line drive directly off its head would have brought the house down. As infield outfield wound down, it was time for the slow roller to the first baseman. Kyle rolled the ball out UNDERHAND….
Uh oh…
Baseball Gods…
He then dropped his wallet, appeared to put everything he had into it, flipped up a poor toss (bad foreplay), swung in gusto and miss hit it for a poor pop up that ended up scraping the backstop with below average height. A clear case of performance anxiety. Breathing exercises or applying pressure to the chad will help slow the action down next time Don.
One thing that was clearly evident after innie outtie was that the field had some severe dead spots and potholes like an equestrian event had been conducted on it the week before. In fact, just in front of home plate must have been where the water jump was because it was a quagmire. A sacrifice bunt may actually sink.
Another highlight on the evening was the pre game announcer who was either dyslexic or in a worse case scenario, illiterate. As the starting line-ups were read and the players proceeded to run out onto the baseline, the Defensive Specialist began counting how many of the players names he could butcher. Its one thing getting the visiting teams names wrong, after all you don’t see them all year and they have curly last names like Graham, Kyle or Peacock but there is no excuse for destroying the home teams names. The highlight? Pat Maat (pr: Ma-rt) being introduced as PAT MAT. Maybe we could break the names down into phonics? Let the Defensive Specialist at least help with the vowels: /æ/ as in cat, /ɛ/ as in bet, /ɪ/ as in sit, /ɒ/ as in hot, and /ʌ/ as in cup.
Oh no, Tim Cox, NSW’s starting pitcher ran out onto the line again for pre game intros – The Baseball Gods will not be impressed and the Defensive Specialist has warned against this previously:
This may not end well for Cox
Oh, and another wrinkle: An unknown gentleman was rolled out to throw the first pitch, the Defensive Specialist thinks his name was Mitchell. He pumped a solid strike to the catcher and then, hang on, yep they just renamed the park Mitchell Field. Wow, they know how to do it up right in regional NSW. You throw a pregame strike; they name the field after you! Awesome!
On to the game.
Mitch Graham led off and before the Defensive Specialist could finish applying his haemorrhoid cream he belted a 1-0 fastball from Cox over the leftfield fence for a bomb. Tim, please take heed, the Baseball Gods don’t like when you cross up baseball protocol. Cox got Nick Kimpton to fly out to rightfield (solidly the Defensive Specialist might add) and then punched out DH Luke Hughes. Tim Kennelly maintained his red-hot form by doubling down the leftfield line and Allan De San Miguel walked. Cox wriggled out of the inning by getting Chris House to lineout to centrefield.
The Defensive Specialist’s campsite was located directly next to the radio broadcasters and after just one inning, the Defensive Specialist found himself practicing Transcendental Meditation in order to block out their inane ramblings and to control the mounting rage that would have surely led to a homicide. For those of you fortunate enough to not to tune in, let the Defensive Specialist just say that the play by play guy was more excited than an elderly bingo winner (even on balls & strikes) and that he seemed to be under strict instructions to talk over the top of any of the other broadcasters. The Defensive Specialist can imagine radios and computers broken all over the country after listeners punched them.
Anyway, Dylan Peacock took his 4-0 record to the hill for the Perth Heat and was rudely greeted by Michael Lysaught who promptly doubled to left. Mark Holland hit a deep fly to right that allowed Lysaught to tag and advance. Trent D’Antonio then hit a ground ball to first that Matt Kennelly made a nice play on and flipped to Peacock for an out, scoring a run. Andy Graham hit a ball up the middle that Andy Kyle launched to Tasmania for an error. PAT MAT then hit a piss rocket off the left centre wall that saw Graham stumble, mumble, bumble around the bases (nearly tripping over all of them) to score. This brought Techno Tim Auty to the dish who didn’t have his customary 3000 beats per minute walk up music. In order to stay true to his dance roots, he threw a shout out by wearing black and fluoro green batting gloves. He grounded out 6-3.
NSW 2-1
The Baseball Gods were clearly still angry with Tim Cox as Matt Kennelly smashed a single to left. It appeared that Cox recognized this as he stepped off the mound, issued a quick prayer of forgiveness and then got Dallas Christenson on a slow roller to short. As Andy Kyle stepped to the dish, a freight train consisting of 192 carriages rolled by which clearly distracted him leading to a punch out. Cox, now working at 84-87 mph got Graham to fly out to centre to end the inning.
NSW pounced on the Heat again in the second. Tim Atherton led off with a groundball to short that Kyle couldn’t glove leading to another error. David Kandilas then grounded a ball up the middle that Kyle ranged for, snagged and then FLIPPED BEHIND HIS BACK for a force out. Jason Pospishil grounded into a 4-6 force. With him on first, catcher Allan De San Miguel attempted a back pick that would have absolutely hosed him if it hadn’t bounced and got away from first baseman Matt Kennelly allowing Pospishil to advance to second. Lysaught then turned around Peacocks 85mph fastball for a 2 run bomb to left. Holland lined to centre for a single and stole second but Peacock was able to get D’Antonio 6-3 to end the inning.
NSW 4-1
The Patriots were at it again in the bottom of the third. Graham doubled solidly down the left field line. PAT MAT flew out to right bringing Techno Tim Auty to the plate. He hit a groundball to third base that appeared to hit a solidified horse turd from last weeks equestrian show and skipped up to nail Christenson directly in his left cornea. HE’S CUT the trainer screamed as she ran out to evaluate him. The ball ricocheted to second allowing Graham to advance to third and Auty to first. Christenson suffered a tasty gash to his grill and was replaced at third by Lachlan Dale. Atherton popped out to first but Kandilas kept the runs coming with a lined single to left that scored Graham (who didn’t trip over home plate) and moved Techno Tim to third. With Pospishil at the dish, Kandilas broke for second on a steal attempt. De San Miguel came up, noticed Techno Tim practicing his box dance moves and preyed on his lack of attention by capturing him in a run down to end the inning.
NSW 5-1
The only highlight in the 4th inning was Andy Kyle punching out on a wicked Cox change up and then tossing his helmet and bat and walking out to his position. Unfortunately there were only 2 outs.
The Heat dented the scoreboard in the 5th as Luke Hughes monstered a solo shot to left field.
NSW 5-2
Todd Murphy, who had relieved Peacock in the 4th ran into trouble in the 6th. Walking the 9 hole guy (Pospishil), punching out Lysaught and then walking Holland saw runners on first and second with 1 out. D’Antonio then hit a routine fly ball to left that Chris House never looked comfortable on and proved by playing it off his cheekbone for an error. This brainfart allowed Pospishil to score. PAT MAT then destroyed a ball halfway up the rightfield fence for a double that scored Holland. Ben Grice relived Murphy and got Techno Tim Auty 4-3 to end the inning.
NSW 7-2
Cox was relieved by Lee Ingram in the 7th and about the only thing interesting that happened was the power going out at the radio booth which almost resulted in the Defensive Specialist slapping himself a high five in auditory relief.
Michael Lysaught decided that he really wanted a Deep in the Hole Player of the Game award so he capped his evening by dropping a bomb to straight away centrefield of Perth reliever Warwick Saupold. On the night he had 3 hits including 2 homeruns and a double.
NSW 8-2
The Heat managed to get 2 guys on in the top of the 9th but Ingram extinguished the mini rally by K’ing House to end the game.
Final Score NSW 8-2.
Tim Cox’s desperation pray to the Baseball Gods asking for forgiveness for his earlier transgression obviously paid off as he settled in to give NSW 6 innings allowing 8 hits, 2 runs, 3 base on balls and striking out 7. He was ably relieved by Ingram who tossed 3 innings and surrendered only 3 hits. The Heat on the other hand used 4 pitchers after Peacock was only able to give them 3 2/3 innings. It will be interesting to see how their bullpen responds with 2 more games to come.
NSW will be looking to put the Heat to the sword by taking the first game of the double dip on Saturday. Their bats were warm all evening and with the like of Craig Anderson and Wayne Lundgren to follow on the mound, they have a very real shot at a sweep. The Heat will need to scramble to get back on track and give themselves the chance to take the series. Daniel Schmidt and whoever takes the ball in game 3 will need to eat some innings to compensate for a taxed bullpen. Offensively, the hitters will need to provide a little more support.
The Defensive Specialist is approaching 2500 words so it’s probably time to boil one last billy of bush tea, administer some haemorrhoid care and unroll the swag in order to get a good nights rest in preparation for tomorrows action. The Defensive Specialist will be back providing in-depth breakdowns of games 2 and 3 on Sunday and Monday as well as a “What has the Defensive Specialist learned” later in the week. If you can’t get online to read about it, you can always listen in on radio!
No comments:
Post a Comment